Tuesday, April 03, 2007


Sim and I got back from Reno at about 9:30 last night, after spending the weekend with Julia and Robert Payne in their ultra cool house (it has closets…and this whole separate area for eating). They’re the badasses who took us on the awesome hike in Lake Tahoe earlier in March.

Lucky Simons got to go backcountry skiing (check out the video) with Robert on Saturday, while I worked all morning (gross). Fortunately, I got loads done and then went for a snowshoe with Julia in the mountains overlooking Lake Tahoe. Snowshoeing! In the snow! In Reno! Snow!

We spent the evening marinating and cooking some wild duck with apricot jam and bourbon, and then had some lovely steaks for dinner instead, and laughed our asses off until 2 am, only it was really 11 and we’re just very old.

[This is what ignorance looks like]

Then yesterday we all went to Mount Rose, where they dumped me in the beginner ski school and took off for the black diamonds. After I'd dribbled down the bunny slopes a few times, they came back all pink-cheeked and sparkly and barely winded, fortified me with beer and then whisked me off up the roller coaster ski lift to a blue slope, a clifflike precipice that had my teeth chattering from the instant I set ski to snow. All three tempted me up there with falsehoods about “cat tracks” and easy
shooshing, and then even the LIFT went faster than the bunny slopes. I was so busy gawping over my left shoulder at the initial slope that I fell off the lift when we landed.

[Do you see anything on the other side of this peak? No? Really?

Then I stood up there over this cliff with my knees knocking together and all the blood draining from my head, while Simons giggled and said, “Oh, you’ll be fine.” I think he was high from the altitude. God know I must have been, because after 30 seconds of panicked gibbering about it, I said, “FINE! I’M GOING! I’M GOING! FUCK!” And then shrieked, “God DAMMIT!” as I reached 85 miles per hour point five seconds later.

Amidst the screaming and falling and bloodletting, I did get to see Sim doing his telemark deal, which is very cool and fancy looking. I think he was pretending not to know the moronic beginner hurtling past him, strapped to the cheapo rental two-by-fours. He maintains that every time he looked at me, I shrieked at him, so he was only acting like he was ignoring me, all while keeping a very close eye on my wellbeing. God, my husband is such a LIAR.

Robert gave me some coaching on how not to hold my poles like they were anchors (but…aren’t they?) and body turning and other such stuff that made me scream lots more professionally on the way down. And I only fell once.

Well, excepting the lift.


Robert said...

Just so there is no confusion, she did great. Before long she will be pulling aerial rail grabs in the terrain park, putting all the hot ski dogs to shame.

Jill said...

LOVED the skiing recount, lol. I'm the slowest skier in my entire family, and I'm the oldest. Next time come to Squaw or Northstar and I'll ski the blues with you.

Horrible Warning said...

You LOOK completely calm in the pic, not at all like you're about to lose your shit.

I fell off the lift the first (and only) time I went snowboarding...and didn't make it down...the bunny hill. Seriously. Had to ride the snowboard part way down like a sled because even though I was able to right myself again every time I fell, at one point the snowboard refused to let me stand.

You rocked it.

The Sorority said...

At least you tried! I am so afraid of falling that skiing is not a part of my future EVER! Besides, I can't walk and chew gum so it does rule out strapping skinny boards to my feet and hurling myself off a mountain. Way to go for doing it and only falling once (the lift not included).


Stepping Over the Junk said...

I regularly fall off the lift. Because I am scared of it.

I am also scared of that first push off the top down the slope. (with the snowboard, that is)

Anonymous said...

Ok -- that was terrifying just reading it. See there? I'm right about the skiing. It's just one of those things people are not supposed to do!

barbie2be said...

the last time i went skiing, (back in 1987) it took me about two hours to get down the bunny hill. my niece, who is like suzy chapstick had done about five runs on the black diamonds by the time i met her at the bottom.

me and skiing, not so much.

Marcheline said...

That gave me flashbacks of my back-wrenching first/only try at skiing.

Yikes, yikes, double-yikes!

- M