Last night, Simons and I shelled out $220 for a parking place about 6 blocks away. This is because we have paid about $1000 in parking tickets since we moved here, so any parking place, no matter the price, is going to be cheaper. They shell out $80 parking tickets like Hershey at Halloween here. A bird craps on the street and you get a parking ticket. I got two $275 parking tickets for being within seven feet of a handicap ramp the other day. That's $550 for eight hours of parking. $550 between 11pm in the rain and darkness and 7 am when I moved it in the morning. $550 after driving in circles for an hour and a half trying to find a space and finally giving up in despair.
So this morning, while working on invoicing, I got a loud hammering at the door, which somehow I heard over the loud hammering of the workmen gutting the apartment next door. And it's a workman. And it's a meter maid (are they maids if they are men? I think they are. They deserve the emasculation.). And they say that even though the construction crew already has their allotted 40 feet of space on the block, they also demand the 10 feet of space I am taking in our legally parked car which has been in the same place for three days without complaint, and if I don't go move it, they will tow me. So I go to move the car to our newly paid for parking space, and there is another goddamn ticket for $40 on it.
It's a good thing meter maids are fast, because I'd have dearly loved to have told him what a
cheap, lying, no-good, rotten,
four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating,
inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking,
dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless,
heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged,
spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is!
I need to go eat some cheese.