Saturday, March 10, 2007

Rant wherein many of life's questions are answered

WHY AM I SO FAT?

WHY IS MY SKIN SO BAD? WHY DIDN'T I WEAR SUNSCREEN?

WHY IS THIS LAB SO GODDAMNED HAIRY?

WHY ARE MY ALLERGIES SO BAD?

(one mystery solved)

WHY DO I CLEAN AND CLEAN AND EVERYTHING IS STILL AWFUL?

WHY CAN'T I CONCENTRATE?

WHY DO ALL MY SOUPS TASTE BORING?

WHY DOES BEULAH LICK HER PAWS SO MUCH?

WHY ARE HILLS SO HARD TO RUN ON?

WHY DOES EVERYTHING TASTE BETTER WITH BUTTER?

(fat mystery solved)

WHY IS MY HAIR SO HIDEOUS?

WHY CAN'T I FINISH THIS FREAKING CAPITAL CAMPAIGN SITE SO I CAN GO OUT AND PLAY?

WHY WON'T THE DOCTOR CALL?

(distraction problem answered)

6 comments:

alyndabear said...

I hear you on the fat one. Boo! Damn junk food.

(Hello from a new lurker!)

Anonymous said...

for what it is worth...
when you open a post with another complaint about being "Fat" i stop reading. which is sad b/c sometimes you have interesting, thoughtful things to share. i just needed to let you know that when you (someone not within the realm of being overweight) make comments like this, it takes away from the depth of your blog. the rest of your comments are so unique and eye opening.
another comment about being "Fat" from someone who either has a serious body image disorder or rationally must know thay are not makes this feel like the Nicole Richie blog. vapid and uninteresting. i realize your blog is about you. but you should know that comments like that are hurtful to those of us who truly struggle with lifelong weight problems.
most of all though, i just hope you will continue to entertain and provoke us with material that feels more...real. sounds like it has been a stressful time. may you stay in good health and revel in the body that takes you on all these great adventures.

The Sorority said...

Jemima - are you reading my thoughts? This was me this morning in the mirror as the rest of Toronto is off with their children on March Break, I am up walking the dog and getting ready to go to work. Then my internal rant began (minus the doctor stuff) and it is remarkably similar to moi. If you can get back in my head and plant some skinny thoughts that lead to fast and easy weight loss I will be forever in your debt.

Have a good Monday!
Diane

Wordnerd said...

Mmmm...butter. ;)

Operation Pink Herring said...

I hope the doctor calls soon.

Why am I so tired?

Anne said...

Hi, Jemima...I am a lurker, de-lurking to comment about Anonymous.

1st - Jemima, you do look skinny to me. Fat? Not so much.

2nd - Anonymous, since this is Jemima's blog, she can rant about whatever, whenever and if ever she wants.

My thoughts, Anonymous, are that you, should simply stop reading the things that aren't interesting to you so that your sense of self doesn't get challenged.

Simply stop reading, don't comment.
This is not a magazine that you are subscribing to, so editorial comments are not needed.
And usually editorial comments are not accepted by those who sign as "Anonymous" anyway.

So to recap...this is Jemima's blog to do with as she pleases(and that means to rant about whatever she feels obliged to rant about).

In the spirit of my favorite saying...you need to "Put on your big girl panties and deal with it".