Thursday, March 08, 2007

People Meeting People

Yesterday, after a very hard day’s work, I realized at about 5:00 that Simons had invited some new people over for drinks, and the house was covered in hair and full of trash. In the scramble to decrapify the apartment, I managed to get an enormous chunk of wood jammed under my thumbnail while dusting, dropped a book on my foot searching for the peroxide, then knocked over the effing jade plant (hateful dying thing) all over the newly vacuumed living room floor, and finally bashed my head on the corner of the DVD player while vacuuming up the mess. I kind of hated these people already.

When Simons came home, I gave him the stink eye and announced I was going to knitting for an hour and he’d better have wine AND CHEESE by the time I came home. He’s so used to my shrieks of pain now, he doesn’t even respond quickly. My legs are bruised, my big toe is black, my thumbnail is a horror…lovely.

This general gracelessness is not is helped by the fact that the doctor’s office last week reported that I’d shrunk an inch and put on ten pounds in the past three months. Lovely. Apparently my enormous ass is dragging me down and pushing me off balance.

Why, God, WHY?

7 comments:

Stepping Over the Junk said...

The way I see it, on days like that for me, at least I get it over with in one day instead of spreading it out over the week and having something stinky happen every day. As much pain as the one day is of course.

So, did he have wine and cheese when you got back?

Operation Pink Herring said...

My family is coming to visit tomorrow. I have already warned Joel that there will be a cleaning frenzy going on tonight, so he better prepare himself. I will probably look like that picture as well come Saturdy morning.

The Sorority said...

So good to know that I am not the only one who does this to themselves. Right now I am currently sporting a gash on my ankle and have no effing idea how I got it. I have resembled that picture on more occaisions than I care to admit.

Diane

barbie2be said...

i'm a huge clutz too. i am always injuring myself. in fact, i think i am the only person i know of that has ever knocked themself unconscious with the car door.

but, most of my friends enjoy the entertainment value of hanging out with me. ;)

Marcheline said...

Jem -

At least your bungles are in private! As you know from reading my blog, my talent is for screwing up royally with as many other people present as possible.

But what you really want is sympathy... so - poor, poor you! I would know what you feel like, except that working 7 days a week means I haven't cleaned anything in months.

Hope you get back on center soon!

- M

charlie said...

HA! That was a hilarious story! Oh, wait...it was true? Gee, I'm sorry you are such a dork.

I kid. I kid. Being a giant dorkwad clutz myself I proclaim it endearing and charming.

Steff said...

Oh, I just tripped and flew through the air trying to catch my 4 year old in a baseball field full of people I know. Fattened my lip, bruised my wrist, bloodied by shoulder, and grass stained my skin! I got up laughing but when I got home I cried hysterically over the embarrassment.