Friday, March 02, 2007

I Heart My Dog


Here’s how the discussion with the vet went yesterday:

Um, yeah, so the dog has some massive diarrhea, right? Really bad.
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Since Valentine’s Day.
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Oh, no, not the whole time. Off and on. I’d make an appointment to bring her in, and then it would go away, so I’d cancel it.
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Actually, there could be a lot of reasons for the “episodes.”
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Well, let's see. On Valentine’s she stole some lamb from off the table. She might have swallowed some bones, but I don’t think so. I’m pretty sure it was the Bordeaux reduction that made her so sick. But that passed…so to speak. All over the living room. Oh, and the hallway too.
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No, no, that’s not all. She’s also been in the mountains and drank some streamwater and got two ticks. That was on President’s Day.
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No, still more. She broke into the bathroom and ate everything…toilet paper, soap, cough drops, a bunch of vitamins, but we made her drink hydrogen peroxide and puke all that up. When? Oh that was….last Wednesday.
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No, no, she puked up everything she’s eaten for an entire lifetime, so we’re pretty sure she didn’t digest any vitamins. And she didn’t have any diarrhea then anyway.
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No, no, still not all…she also climbed onto the kitchen table and stole a really nice loaf of Italian bread from the top of the refrigerator…that was on Friday. Yeah, she crapped up the house pretty good that night. She also ate some butter, I guess to go with the bread.
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She’s on Prednisone for her persistent paw licking, and no, we can’t take her off of it. But she was this bad before the Prednisone.
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Yes, our dog IS the devil. How did you know?
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$202? For this dog, I consider that a steal. Cured!

9 comments:

barbie2be said...

italian bread and BUTTER? what she couldn't reach the olive oil and balsamic vinegar? *snort*

Stepping Over the Junk said...

I am totally laughing at "she broke into the bathroom"!! Like how I speak of my children when they break into my jewelry box and start trying everything on!

Good luck! I love that picture with the scurvyish ball.

Jennifer said...

Oh, your Beluah stories make me feel like I'm not so alone. Toilet paper? My cats love to unravel it and roll around in a big, wonderful TP nest but I don't think they're resorted to eating it yet.

How on earth did you get a dog to drink hydrogen peroxide? I MUST look into trading in my cats for dogs.

Jemima said...

You can have my dog for free. Send me an address and I'll stuff her into a cardboard box and mail her today!

barbie2be said...

oh, beluah and i have something in common. we are both on prednisone. isn't that special. no wonder she broke into the bathroom and ate everything. steroids increase your appetite.

spider said...

hahaha. i thought you were going to say that they found pieces of tennis ball in her stomach.
i put up babygates to keep one dog out of the kitchen, close bathroom door (loves tp!) and the other one goes in a crate! until they know better.

Jill said...

We named our first dog Max, as in Maximum Amount of Money Ever Spent On A Dog, for all the times he had to be brought into the vet for eating inappropriately.

Marcheline said...

God, I'm glad no one takes me to the vet when I eat inappropriately... I'd have to pay rent!

That picture is scary. It looks like a huge sea monster rising on the horizon, ready to eat Planet T-Ball.
Aaaaaaaaaaagh!

- M

The Sorority said...

I laughed out loud at the thought of Beulah climbing onto a stool to get to the loaf of Italian bread and then washing it down with butter. I can laugh now because our dog is to old to stand on her back legs anymore to get to the food on the counter - so she just looks at us piteously and begs.

But still, they are loved wrapped in fur - even when they spend your shoe budget due to inappropriate eating!

Thanks for the chuckle!

Diane