Monday, November 06, 2006

Tale of Woe and Ducks

Okay, so I finally found a vet who would see Beulah today, as an emergency (read "expensive") patient. The vet said she was critically dehydrated and was very concerned about her constant vomiting. The previous owner just told us she had a sensitive stomach, so we have never thought all that much of it. Anyway, this vet gave me a list of necessary procedures for DIAGNOSING Beulah's illness, which came to a grand total of $1600 for x-rays, blood tests, intravenous fluids, and an overnight stay. That didn't even include whatever it took to cure her.

After having a stroke, I agreed and said I would stay for the x-ray results.

I must say that even I, who do not have a vet degree, looked at the x-ray and said, "Is that a freaking bouncy ball?"

Yes. A bouncy ball.

We do not give our dog bouncy balls to play with. This ball has been in her stomach for at least a year, and was the child's toy of the family where she lived before. Also, the stomach appeared to have grown in a weird manner to accommodate this little lump of plastic, filled with sparkly foil, all of which showed up in the films, which will probably necessitate reconstructive surgery in that location. But worse than the bouncy ball was a brightly lit loop of intestine that was in the wrong place. The vet had no explanation for that. Beulah also has jaundice, pneumonia and increased liver enzymes, all from puking.

We scheduled her to go to the surgical specialist across town, and I sat in the room and cried and tracked down Simons and dragged him out of a meeting, and called our vet at home and cried to him too. Then the doctor came back looking perplexed.

"Have you been missing a duck?"

A what?

Apparently the bizarre and mystical loop of was a duck. A little rubber one she was playing with at our friends' house in Nashville when we passed through on our cross country move.

The goddamned dog ate the duck.

So she has TWO foreign objects in her stomach, and no wonder the poor animal is sick all the time. This could be a whole new lease on life for the wretched vomitorium.

The scary part is that the surgery will cost $5000. Yes, $5000 for Beulah Buckethead Devil Dog. We don't actually HAVE $5000, which is worrisome, but we'll have to figure that out later. Because she may be a pain in the ass, but she's OUR pain in the ass and we love her.

So here's my question. Should I make them return the ball and the duck?


kenju said...

I cannot imagine spending that amount on an animal. I don't think I'd have them return the toys; the dog might swallow them again. I think from now on, you are going to have to watch that dog very closely so she won't swallow anything else she shouldn't.

Alexandrialeigh said...

Hey -- I just sent you an email, but you should seriously start up a Paypal account for Beulah. I'll be the first to contribute. Put those cooking skills to work and have a "Save Beulah" party! Charge $20 a head! :)

Nothing But Bonfires said...

Holy shit, $5000 is insane. Poor thing -- you AND Beulah.

Aleigh's idea of a Save Beulah party is genius. If I could figure out a way to ship a Porncake, I would. Think of all the money those big fancy fundraisers make back in Charleston -- $20 a head for your supreme culinary skills, and you'd be at least halfway there.

Stepping Over the Junk said...

OH MY GOD! I knew a dog once that ate a child's sock and it ended up, well, coming out the other end. My boyfriend has this quirky mutt who has had little medical problems that equal alot of money and when the dog is well, he threatens that "the next time, Mikey is getting shot out behind the shed" and then of course, the next time, he carries him to the dog hospital and hands over the credit card, no matter how much. Hope she is okay. Get rid of the duck for fear she might ingest it again! You need to BABY proof the house!

Kari said...

I have never ever commented on your blog but I am a regular reader. If you start a Pay Pal, I'll chip in. Pets are important!

CharlestonGirl said...

By all means start the Paypal account for Beulah! My sister just had to pay over $2,000 for her poodle (my neice with fur) to have a cancerous growth and part of her spleen removed. It was worth it. The dog is much back to her old self and they got all the cancer. I understand what you are going through. I think the account is perfectly reasonable. Hang in there!

Marcheline said...

Do the PayPal account idea. I'll chip in!

See, we blog readers are willing to do more than just send moral support! That's what community is all about, ain't it?

- M

Nancy said...

It must be the breed! The in-laws' boykin has the same habit of eating foreign objects and having them lodged in his belly. The worst was when the vet handed my mother-in-law a pair of her unmentionables retrieved from the dog's intestines!

We will contribute to your Save-Beulah fund!


Jen said...

I am guessing the pet insurance isn't going to help with this? Stupid pre-existing condition clauses.

I think you should DEFINITELY ask for the ball back... and then mail it to the previous owners, with a note that says "Here, I think you lost this. By the way, you owe me $5000."

maggie said...

Yes, and you should hang the duck on the wall, with the framed bill for $5000, as a reminder that Beulah should not be left unsupervised!

Alexandrialeigh said...

I am not even kidding. I mean, I've been meaning to plan a visit for a while now; I can totally help with the cooking if you can stand having me in the kitchen! Or I can post flyers! Or I can make phone calls!

barbie2be said...

*snort* i'm so sorry, Jem. reminds me of the story that Dooce posted about Chuck and the corn dog stick.

do the pay pal thing... or the Save Beulah party. i'm in for either.

pet parents have got to stick together.

s@bd said...

I just can't even imagine ...


Frances said...

I am the previously mentioned mother-in-law. Our boykin, Morgan, looks exactly like your bad dog, even down to the chin spot. Yes, first he ate a pair of panty hose which lodged and cost us over $600. to remove. Of course this happened on the weekend when prices go up. Secondly, he ate a pair of panties left on floor by visiting daughter. That also 0n the weekend which caused another "emergency visit" and costly diagnosis. Fortunately, no surgery was required that time. He is like a 1 year old child even tho' he is nine. We have to watch for anything he might put into his mouth. Bottom line, we love him.