Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Not exactly nine to five...

But I'm working.

Hear that, Internet? I'M WORKING.

Yours truly just finished a press release for a media optimization company and sent it off. It was pretty good, if I do say so myself, even if I do know nothing about bariatric surgery. Yeah, just so you know, don't believe everything you read in press releases, because some schlub like me wrote it. Oooh, maybe they'll give me free bariatric surgery so I can look like Kate Moss! I'm already envisioning my sleek thighs and rippling biceps.

Vogue Editor: "Jemima Kate Moss, do you feel guilty about the influence your sleek thighs have on thousands of impressionable teenagers?"

Jemima: [Giggles vacuously and takes puff of Marlboro Red] "Can you repeat the question?" [Stretches aforementioned thigh, which seemingly disappears like an optical illusion]

Maybe I should just go running instead. It's cheaper than hospitalization, and since AmEx just called to pre-order my firstborn child, I should go for the cheaper option. I know one person who's had a gastric bypass, but I haven't seen her since it was done, and I always thought she was totally gorgeous and didn't need it anyway. It seems so drastic. Internet, do you know anyone who has resorted to it? Did it work? Was it worth it?

So...that was two hours of billable work. Excellent! Now I just need to create a professional webpage, pitch a story to Dwell, get some watches repaired, write 300 thank you notes, call Cingular, send a cover letter and resume about a job, and go to the bookstore. Oh, and walk Devil who is glaring at me from the depths of her bucket. Who knows, maybe I'll see The Flasher again and THIS TIME, he better watch out!


Alexandrialeigh said...

Oh, hey, about that flasher -- one of my psych professors once told me that you should look at the flasher, shrug as if you're not impressed, and then keep walking. Apparently that freaks them out, since they flash people to get a reaction out of them. So.

Marcheline said...

I know you were totally kidding about the bariatric surgery, BUT...

FYI, you generally can't get approved for that kind of thing unless you are morbidly obese, or unless you have a coinciding medical circumstance that makes it imperative.

That type of surgery is almost crippling, takes ages to recover from, and it opens your body up to the possibility of major infection that could kill you outright.

Basically, it's not like getting a nose job or a botox injection. It's like getting hit with a Mack truck.

Go running instead.

barbie2be said...

no, no, no Marcheline... it's not like that at all. i had it. i can tell you all about it.

but yes, you generally must be at least 100 lbs overweight to get approved.

yay for you Jemima.

Marcheline said...

Oh, and "last but should have been first".... CONGRATULATIONS ON WORKING AGAIN!


Marcheline said...

b2b -

I'm glad to hear your bariatric surgery was not one of "those" experiences.

Surgery is a very individualized experience for everyone, because of genetic history, each person's differing ease of recovery, health problems specific to each person, and the quality of the surgery itself.

My mom has been an RN in the ICU for over 20 years, and the horror stories she's told me about those bariatric surgeries is enough to make ME start running!

I just wanted to enlighten jem on the downside, even though I KNOW SHE WAS JUST KIDDING, RIGHT JEM??? (Just checking)

- M

Matt said...

To dispel Marcheline's comment a little, unless she is speaking first hand, in which she had an abnormal experience, technically there is no more risk of infection than with any other invasive procedure. Crippling, not exactly, but understanding the drastic difference in consumption ability, definitely. There is an adjustment period, but doesn't exactly take "ages" to recover...

Sorry, off soap box...

Bariatric surgery is a double- edged sword, in my book.

We have friends, a married couple, who had it done because they were both 300#+. They got down to healthy weights of 120# and 155#. During weight loss, she gave my wife the clothes she was going through that were my wife's size, since they were getting baggy, etc.

All in all, they became pretty healthy. He came off half of the heart medications he was on.

That's the good part...

During their weight loss came higher self- esteem, which is good to a point. They became very self- absorbed and arrogant. A 180 from their normal selves, at least the "them" that we have known for over a decade. They became more and more judgmental, even to poke fun at their overweight neighbors across the street when they saw them in muumuus.

IMHO, I feel they didn't go the extra steps for maintenance and keeping themselves in check, like counseling to deal with a new self image, and perhaps maintenance of the weight loss.

We hardly talk to them or see them anymore and, as evil as this may sound, our prayers for them to gain it back are slowly coming true. Yep, my wife and I found ourselves feeling like we didn't know these people anymore and wished for them to gain it all back, so we could have our friends back- the same people with whom we planned on getting a retirement cabin.

She called my wife the other day, wondering if she still had the "transitory" clothes that she went through on her way down. She's back to 150#, and possibly still climbing, since they have no restraints on the types or quantities of food the take in. They seem to be a little more humble, now, but in our case, they just may have burned one too many bridges with us. It is sad how something that is supposed to be positive can turn around to be such a negative.

Sorry I wrote a book. Congrats on the job!

Jemima said...

I was only kidding about bariatric surgery. Really. I'm only about five lbs over what I'd like to be, and it's a matter of waking up early and putting on my shoes. It's just so much colder here, and my husband is so warm, and my feet hurt, and I have bad breath, and I drank too much wine last night, and candy tastes so good. So other than that, it'll be easy peasy. But I was in such awesome shape last year for the marathon, that I'm a little panicked at how OUT of shape I'm in this year. I'm telling you, marriage makes you fat.

barbie2be said...

my ex husband used to complain that marriage was making him fat. i told him that no one was holding a gun to his head making him eat everything i cooked... :)

Jemima said...

Simons would argue that I do, in fact, hold a gun to his head making him eat everything I cook. It's a gun I like to call "guilt."

"You didn't like my lasagna? You don't love me?"

However, it's my own fault for making things with butter and cheese and more butter and cheese instead of healthy options. Moo.

barbie2be said...

ok, there were times, especially near the end when i would have LIKED to hold a gun to his head... but that is another story entirely. ;)

my thought was always that i would have leftovers to take to work the next day for lunch but that never happened.

barbie2be said...

doh, i just re-read this part of your post..."I know one person who's had a gastric bypass, but I haven't seen her since it was done, and I always thought she was totally gorgeous and didn't need it anyway. It seems so drastic. Internet, do you know anyone who has resorted to it? Did it work? Was it worth it?"

i had a similar type of proceedure. mine is called a vertical gastrectomy. i was 407 on the morning of my surgery and a am now at 213 but about 20 lbs of that is extra skin... so yeah, i think it worked. my reason for doing it was that i was tired of living in pain all the time. i am no longer in pain. i am also no longer on BP meds, or borderline diabetic. hell, i did a triathlon 2 months ago!

Jemima said...

barbs: I know! Which is so awesome in general, but even more amazing considering that just a few short years ago, you were probably too sick to accomplish it. You must be really proud, and I think that's amazing. And it's great that you created goals for yourself like running and biking and swimming. You've changed your whole lifestyle.

This friend of mine in Charleston has always seemed very voluptuous and glamorous to me, never fat. And she's so young. It just seemed like a really drastic step to take at age 28.

Anonymous said...

i personally know three people who have had some kind of weight loss surgery. all of them changed into very self-absorbed people. it's very sad.