Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Igottagitouttahere

I hate fake Christmas trees. I hate researching their statistics. I hate learning about their synthetic makeup. I hate that some Chinese mother is withering her ovaries sniffing their cheap PVC chemicals. I hate their buying trends. Hate. Hate. Hate.

MOST OF ALL, I HATE THAT I HAVEN'T FINISHED THIS DAMNED PRESS RELEASE YET! I WANT THESE FAKE PLASTIC TREES OUT OF MY LIFE SO I CAN GO LISTEN TO RADIOHEAD AND CRY FOR MY JADED SPIRIT!!!

Update:
I'm finished. Finally. Now I have to go shower now, and cleanse the grinchiness of faux Christmas items from my skin...lest Santa decide to give me fake jewelry or fake hmmm-gasms or fake cheese to get even. (shiver)

Also, Kelly Love, your faux Christmas tree is excused from my earlier tirade. Because, it's pink. It's not trying to pretend to be burly lumberjack tree or quaint Swedish clog under the balsams tree or anything else. It is a shiny shiny pink tree, and is perfect as it is.

8 comments:

Meg said...

I totally wrote press releases today. I wish ONE of them was about a damn tree, even fake.

But I'm glad you're free.

Marcheline said...

Wasn't it Lucy on the Charlie Brown Christmas special who sent Charlie Brown out to buy a pink aluminum tree?

And wasn't it part of the moral of the story that even a crappy little remnant branch of a real pine tree nailed to a couple of slats of wood was better than a fake tree?

And didn't you just love when they all stood around at the end and sang, "Loo loo looooo, loo-loo loo loooooo"? That's my favorite part.

Actually, for some bizarre reason, my really favorite part is when they take a big breath between the "loo loo"s.

- M

s@bd said...

do you even get snow for christmas?

just wondering...

Jenny said...

I have never in my entire life had a real christmas tree.

Now I feel like I've been missing out.

Jen said...

If I had known that there was a such thing as a pink Christmas tree, I might not have spent my life being so apathetic about them.

Kelly Love said...

You know you love my hot disco tree. I promise to spray it with pine-scented spritz this year in your honor!

barbie2be said...

i have a miniature shiny pink tree. :) it came complete with barbie ornaments... naturally! ;)

Stepping Over the Junk said...

the good news is that when one freelance assignment is done about Christmas trees, the next one will be aobut something different...it could be better...or worse...what if you had to write about viagra or something??