Thursday, August 03, 2006

Harbinger of Noise

Well, the house is mostly clean, although @#$%^&* Liza had already created new dust camels that were cavorting all over the kitchen this morning. I never ever ever want a dog this big or this fluffy. It makes me throw up a little in my mouth to watch the prowling furballs while I eat my breakfast. Urgh. There I go again, just thinking about it.

Hi, My name is Liza. I am a pain in the ass.

Also, It’s 109 degrees here today, and my older sister is having my niece’s fourth birthday party at my house today. And since it’s too hot for them to play outside, there will be 17 children running amuck through my tiny house, stabbing each other with porcupine quills, bleeding on the upholstery, playing body roulette, crying, wetting and missing the potty.

Oh my God, I don't think I can have kids. Simons and I had a financial discussion at lunch, and I became immediately ill. On top of being loud and destructive and tedious but totally cute, children are so freaking expensive. And what if you have a stupid one? It'll never get any financial aid and you'll be supporting the little delinquent until you die.

And yes, of course Simons and I have chosen the most expensive city in the universe. In order to get an apartment, you have to slap down about $8000 at one time, pay for new utilities, gas to get out there, loan bills, mover's fees, insurance, and all the while we don't actually HAVE jobs. My stomach hurts. I'm going to die. Wait, I mean, I'm going to die poor.


barbie2be said...

didn't you just move and paint and all that about a month before the wedding? UGH! i have the moving part. but i like the painting and all that.

if you need help with that when you get here, let me know!

Wordnerd said...

Porcupine quills?

Jemima said...

Yes, I painted my old apartment before I moved, and then the house before we moved in, and now we'll need to paint the porch before we go, and the new place we move into...the fun never ends. And thanks! I'd love any help.

And yes, I have porcupine quills and hippo teeth and wart hog tusks and lion claws and all kinds of little treasures from walking around in the bush. The babies are always attracted to the ones that cause destruction though...pointy things, or ostrich eggs that smash or fabrics that can't be washed. I must have the most unchildproof house in the universe. It's very child friendly though, with lots of stuff to play with that they shouldn't.

Marcheline said...

I've got you beat - I'll die poor, in debt, having spent the "best years of my life" without once taking a real vacation with my husband, and having spent most of the weekends we've had apart due to second jobs, trying to avoid the first part of this paragraph, but failing miserably.

Ain't it grand?