Wednesday, April 26, 2006

From the Typhoon

Just came from the Women Making a Difference Spring Soiree, and I must say that I am continually impressed with the resilience of women around here. There were tornado warnings, gale force winds, torrential rains, the palmettos were bent sideways, and yet 150 women showed up to talk about giving back. Of course, most of them could have been like me...showing up for the martinis and crabcakes.

I'll also do just about anything to get out of the house right now. And by "the house," I mean, "my parents' house." Oh my God, I'm living back home again. I may need another martini.

You see, I have a squatter living at my new house at the moment. She was supposed to be out TWO WEEKS AGO, and is still there, hasn't packed, hasn't painted, hasn't fixed the fence. I asked my neighbor The Sexy Attorney if in her legal opinion I was allowed to kill The Squatter yet, and she said there is no legal justification for murder unless in self defense. So how can I wrangle some situation where The Squatter and I are alone together??? Hmmm.... You won't tell on me, will you?

So in the meantime, I've already let my apartment go to a friend of mine, who in turn, has given her landlord notice. The Squatter has unleashed a whirlwind of bad karma, you see, and I hope it smites her and smites her good. I've had to move all my shit out, and believe me, I have a lot of shit, and put it in my parents' garage. This means that at such time as The Squatter finally GTFO, I will have to move AGAIN. My God, people. The HORROR! And living with my parents...THE HORROR! Oh...The...HORROR!

On the bright side, my arms are looking seriously ripped. On the bad side, I HAVE TO MOVE TWICE!!!! SOMEONE KILL ME!

1 comment:

Marcheline said...

Who is this person and why has she been allowed to displace you? I don't get it - there has to be more to the story. And she's not PAYING YOU anything???? I'm confoozled.