Thursday, April 13, 2006

April is the Cruelest Month


Today, I fell while running and pulled my hamstring (I deeply resent having ANY body part that starts with "ham") and jammed all of my left toes. Then I had to drive to Columbia to talk with the consulate at 7:00 in the morning. I got pulled for speeding on the way home. Then all the bastards who were supposed to help me with presentation materials bailed, so i'm working (not really) on it from home all night.

April sucks.

As I recall, April is when I skinned my foot last year.

My dog died in April.

It's a damned good thing I didn't have my wedding in April or a meteor would have leveled the church, lightning would have struck the tent, a roach would have eaten the cake, the last three bridesmaids would have gotten knocked up along with the rest of them, my veil would have been caught in a freak combine accident involving Skol dip and a mangy dog, the cows at the reception would have stampeded the guests and our honeymoon plane would have gone down due to excess seagulls on the runway.

April is a whore. April hates me. April is out to get me and knock out my front teeth.

10 comments:

Nothing But Bonfires said...

Oh god, please don't say that about the bridesmaids getting knocked up. QUICK, FIND SOME WOOD TO KNOCK ON. Now wash your mouth out with soap and never say it again.

Anonymous said...

Holleeee is going to get preggers... Preggeeeeerrrs...lalala...dumteedum...PREGGERS!!! Tralalalalalala!!!!!!!!!!!

Wordnerd said...

Nooooo...Holly ISN'T going to get preggers, but she IS going to be seen in Walmart buying a pregnancy test! Hee hee!

Jemima -- hold your breath and count...April.Is.Almost.Over. There. Phew!

Umm, word verification is acne with a couple extra c's...how rude.

Nothing But Bonfires said...

Ha! Wal-Mart BRAND, no less!

barbie2be said...

april is a bitch to me too, jemima. let's you and i kick her ass!

Marcheline said...

First of all, the thought of anyone who identifies with a Barbie doll kicking anyone's ass seems a trifle unlikely, if not completely hysterically funny.

Secondly, wait. I don't have a secondly. The firstly is enough.

- M

barbie2be said...

marcheline, it's only hysterically funny to you because you don't know me...

Marcheline said...

Ruh-roh... looks like Barbie is gonna kick my ass!

(Put another nickel in... in the nickelodeon....)

Just running up a flag to see who salutes...

8-)

- M

barbie2be said...

no worries, M. :)

Anonymous said...

As silly as it sounds, I fully understand your fear of the time of the year. Anyone I loved who died (friend and family alike) died between Aug.15 and Sept. 20. It's the death time of year for me. Strangely enough when I told my mother that, she told me that her mother (still alive thank goodness) used to say the same thing when she was young.