Monday, November 21, 2005

Saintly

Isn't it funny when you go to the gym and see people who have absolutely no idea what they're doing who make you feel totally smug and superior? I saw a girl on the elliptical who had the resistance set to "concrete slurry," so she had to hold on with both hands and heave-ho to make the step go back down. Later on I saw her on the rowing machine with the weight set to, "Jemima's weekly cheese purchase," so she had to arch her back and stand up to pull it down. That just can't be very effective. Still, she didn't have so much as an ounce of cellulite, so maybe her technique isn't so bad after all. Hmph.

Unfortunately, I noticed a coworker who has joined the same gym in the month since I've set foot in the door, and apparently he goes ALL THE TIME. Now I like this person just fine, and he's awfully funny, but when you're all sweaty and gross and wearing grey cotton, do you really want to see your boss' right hand man? Still, I did notice his so-not-corporate armband tattoo, which kind of brings him down to earth.

So I'm feeling quite pure, as though I have worked off at least one of the fourteen dozen chocolate chip cookies i ate today at the office. I fully expect my new jeans to glide sleekly over my hips when I try them on tomorrow.

In other saintly news, my apartment is once more a sterile environment, vacuumed, dusted, polished, mopped, filed, sorted, Good Willed and thrown away. I'm sure A.S. will ruin it five seconds after waltzing through the door, because instantaneous mess is one of his many talents. However, i care not as long as he'll exercise other talents while he's home. After all, I am making Thanksgiving dinner, therefore I deserve copious amounts of talent.

Speaking of dinner, great huzzahs to Jemima for avoiding the Thanksgiving brouhaha with the excessive amount of family due in town this Thursday afternoon. Everyone is going to my sister's in-law's house, where there will be loud televisions and even louder twin boys (age 2) and about 30 people and asparagus salad with MAYONNAISE. Any of these things would be enough to make me sink into a bog of horror and dread, so I have invited A.S., two of my neighbors, Nothing But Bonfires and her boyfriend to dine avec moi. I'm not certain if Bonfires is technically allowed to eat turkey, since she's British...or is it firecrackers on Fourth of July? ...anyway, she can do whatever she damnwell pleases, since she's making her caramel toffee porncake (quiver, flutter, pitter pat, swoon). It used to be cheesecake, but after I started having sex dreams about it, I rechristened it "The Porncake." Oh, the caramelly, deliciousness...

Amanda is making her macaroni and cheese casserole (MINE! ALL MINE!), and I am making butternut squash roasted with fistfuls of garlic cloves and also shrimp pie with wine and puff pastry crust. God, the whole concept makes my toes curl and my eyes go all steamy. I am so thankful for Thanksgiving.

6 comments:

Nothing But Bonfires said...

So I've decided that I won't actually be making caramel toffee porncake after all, because I'll need all that time in the kitchen to make asparagus salad WITH MAYONNAISE instead.

Also, did you know there are FOUR BLOCKS of Philadelphia cream cheese in the porncake? Even if we spend ALL NEXT WEEK on the elliptical trainers, with breaks only for peeing and sleeping, we're not going to erase the damage.

Marcheline said...

Damn, and I'm going over to some sort-of-family gathering where I'll be beset by a bunch of loafer-wearing yuppies who don't know how to say anything but, "So, how much money are you making now?" (In different words, of course, but we know what they mean.)

I'd sure love me a piece o'that porncake...

- M

Swedish Girl said...

Yikes, so you girls can cook AND know how to use the Spanish Inquisition equipment at the gym?

roo said...

Your co-worker conundrum is one of the reasons I go to an all-girl gym-- I can't be thinking about looking good and sweating all at the same time.

And let's hear it for avoiding family at Thanksgiving!

used surfboard said...

Hey Jemima...
How did you get your blog to be so good? Originally I was out trying to locate used surf board related information, but your post ' Saintly ' got my attention and stopped me in my tracks :) Glad I found you because I'm trying to improve my site about used surf board and your blog here gave me some excellent ideas. Thanks Jemima for the good read and I think I'll mention your blog to my cousin (if that's okay...)

Keep up your effort ~ and good job.

new surfboards said...

Howdy Jemima,
I'm impressed with what you wrote here in your Saintly post. I gave up my search for surfboard information and wanted to hang out here on your blog - well done. I might make a blog like yours about surfboard, but I wouldn't try to compete with you. You're doing a great job Jemima.
You got a great thing going... by friend.