Wednesday, November 09, 2005

More KD

Okay, I'm sick and have PST (Preparing for my Special Time) so I think I can be forgiven for wallowing in a touch of self pity. Am currently feeling like my apartment is too gross for words, I've eaten nothing but crap today, I could die and no one would know or care, and my throat is all scratchy and my head hurts. Several of those complaints are related, since I am looking around at the piles of Lik-M-Aid and Laffy Taffy bars and Ben & Jerry's Peace Pop wrappers lying about on the couch, where I have been planted for most of the afternoon. And clothes from the weekend's trips and luggage from yesterday's excursion to Kansas are littering every surface of the bedroom. It's so cluttered in here, with the minutia of almost 30 years of living crammed into three dinky rooms...which leads me to believe I am a dismal failure for not being able to afford to just buy a house. I will rent forever in this house that is collapsing around my ears. Call me Miss Havisham.

Also, my dermatologist has prescribed Retin-A because I AM OLD. Apparently my birth control pills are causing my skin to age and freckle in a really uncharming, non J Crew model cinnamon sprinkle type way. This is so unfair. And my Ob/Gyn says that undoubtedly pregnancy will do the same thing to me. Great...something else to look forward to someday. I'll have tits that give me whiplash and a brown skin-moustache.

Well, I have nothing to worry about, since I will be hiding in my closet for the rest of my life, starting now.

The really fun thing about Retin-A, apart from peeling and not being able to get your eyebrows waxed ever again and the basic annoyance of having to use it every night and not being able to even think about sun....where was I going here? Hmmmmmmmm....oh yes, it actually makes your skin worse for awhile. Don't you wish they would give you a time frame for that? You will look for a troll for approximately six.... days, weeks or months???

Anyway, I think I need a different career. For one, I just can't keep up with the manicures and polished shoes and coiffed hair. I wonder what I am qualified to do. That I wouldn't get sick of within about a year. Here is what I am good at:

Let's see...
Finding utterly bizarre things online (bacon scented air freshener, anyone?)
Dispensing unwanted advice
Discovering strange yet exotic vacations
Bleeding at any contact sporting event
Cooking under various conditions, including bears and hurricanes
Remembering what I was eating on almost any day of my entire life
Telepathically knowing when there is a spider on the ceiling without even looking
Catching toads
Running a very long way
Planning self improvement
Procrastinating
Purchasing good cheese (the rind of which is also littering my kitchen table from the quarter pound of it I ate earlier)

1 comment:

Marcheline said...

I LOVE YOUR BLOG!! So glad you're back - when you kvetch, you completely make me laugh. It's great - please, don't change, and DON'T stop blogging!!!! Let it all out, and I promise we'll be here to catch you (and a couple of laughs)...

RAH RAH JEMIMA'S BACK!!!!

WOO HOO!!!

Supportively,

- M