Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Kansas Disease

I have Kansas Disease. This is where you fly to Kansas and instantly some woman with a mudflap hacks Virginia Slims breath all over you and you promptly keel over and die. I have a sore throat and a headache and jolly green giants coming out my head. Sucks.

I have an ironic observation to make. I was visiting this big insurance company, right? Well, every single woman I met in there was at least 75 lbs overweight. It didn't bother me personally, and I got along great with them, although I felt really embarassed the one time that i joked that some situation or other gave me a "heart attack." Because these girls are on their way. But I think about how many diseases in this country could be prevented with health lifestyle and exercise, and the freaking high cost of health care and the lack of insurance investment in these preventative measures...and here I saw the root of all evil. Their cafeteria was in the basement, all dark and creepy with no windows, and everything there was fried, slathered in gravy, saturated with transfat (I talk like i even know what that is). And this is a company that judges the health risks of millions of Kansans. DOOM!

Oh, and can I just explain how vile the breath of the man sitting next to me on the way back home. Everytime he exhaled, I felt my flesh melting. I even offered him gum, a mint, an Altoid...but he refused every one of them. Is it rude to shake people and force them to chew gum?

Sorry for the rant. Like I said, I'm sick.

1 comment:

Marcheline said...

Oh MY GOD - the Kansas disease definition has got me choking on my morning coffee.... *snork* HAHAHAHAAAAAAAH!

You completely rock, girl.

And no, go ahead and forcefeed the nasty bastard some Altoids - there are laws against pollution, ya know!!

- M