Sunday, March 27, 2005

old man is snoring

What a perfect day for eating blueberry pancakes and reading smut in bed. It is POURING. I'm so glad Architecture Stud and I got out in the boat yesterday, because it is positively vile here now.

Yesterday morning, I did about a thousand errands and ran four miles with Alexandrialeigh and finally finished my book of clips (hooray), which has been incomplete since...um...forever. There are still some stories from the old job that I need to print from PDFs, but that's not very difficult. Also dragged everything out from under my bed and my closet and everywhere else and vacuumed up every last strand of Woo hair. How in the hell does one tiny dog shed four clones' worth of hair every stinking day? I'm not kidding. Naturally she had to come in and pee as soon as I finished mopping the floor....sigh. I guess I'll tinkle on the floor when I'm 133 years old too.

Then A.S. and went out to Rockville and launched the boat and went slipping through all these narrow, shallow tidal creeks, and saw deer and cormorants and pelicans and fiddler crabs. It was so peaceful, and the marsh and spartina smelled so fecund and glorious. We snuck onto Botany Bay and walked along the beach and looked for shark's teeth and found horseshoe crabs and conches and sanddollars. And we came across a crap pot, and I've been wanting one for forever, and it was bright yellow- the thrill! I said, "Look, A.S.! God has gifted me with this totally sweet yellow crabpot." Then we dug it out the rest of the way and it was a piece of junk, and I said, "Bear witness, A.S. of this sign of doom. I'm going to hell and this is the fith sign." Hah!

It was so romantic strolling on the beach with the wind rattling the palmetto trees and the box of Cheezits. Why are burnt Cheezits so irredeemably awful? Anyway, I never ask A.S. what he's thinking, because it's never never never the same thing I am. Boys are so dumb. The whole time we were walking hand in hand, he was looking out at the waves and thinking, "I'll bet when a nor'easter blows up, this will be a totally misto surf spot." (rolls eyes) But I didn't ask, he offered that little choice nugget of information all on his own.

So we went out for sushi and went back in to watch Hero. Anyone else seen it? It's awful. I know it's supposed to be the most incredible film ever made, etc, etc, but it was absolutely the most repetitive thing I've watched in a long time. There were all these flashbacks and flash forwards and flash sideways, blah, blah, blah, and exactly how many times did Snow stab Broken Sword? By the end when she did it for real, I just didn't give a good goddamn. And then the little Moon character... all she did was scream and run around getting in everyone's way. In her final scene of screaming and being futile, I looked over at A.S. and said, "Oh shit, here she comes AGAIN." And what in God's name was the director's obsession with a) water and b) the significance of the single tear? He/she overused those stinkin metaphors like somebody's two-bit whore.

So today is Easter and it was too nasty out to roll out of bed and go to my semi-annual church attendance. And I opted not to drive two hours to have dinner with my brother-in-law's family, including the two ADHD twin boys, one of whom kept up the world's longest scream during Chistmas dinner last year (three hours without pausing for breath). Parents don't beat their children enough these days, IMHO.

So I had blueberry pancakes instead, and am doing laundry and thinking of how much reading I need to do for this new job. For the past two nights, I've had these exhausting dreams about how the programmers at work have implanted a microchip in my brain so I can keep up to date with the software releases, and they can just upload all the information directly to my head. Then I wake up and race through these endless cycles of work lists. I hope this nervousness will pass once I get more accustomed to it. They're already sending my to Kansas, Texas and probably New York or DC in the next month...sheesh.

I also feel like I'm having to hold it together for a lot of people right now. A.S. isn't feeling very emotionally well, and another friend of mine is getting kicked in the teeth workwise. I wish I had more answers and less useless advice for people, you know? I also wish I was better at letting go of destructive thought patterns.............. such as the Italian moustache whore, Valentina, that A.S. was seeing. WHY can't I just give it up? I was seeing someone else too, and I've got no regrets about giving that guy the boot. So why do I think A.S.'s relationship was so much more meaningful? Why do I feel like he's wishing he was still with her? He doesn't act that way, so it must just be my own self-inflicted misery. It helps a little that my downstairs neighbor, The Sexy Attorney, has renamed her Evangelina Vagina. Somehow it makes me feel better. You can't help but feel superior to someone named Evangelina Vagina.

5 comments:

Golden Words said...

:-) always a delight to read this page

Elysia said...

The first time you wrote about the crab pot, you wrote "crap pot"... and here I was, wondering why you would be thrilled to be walking along the beach and find someone's crap pot. Then it got me wondering - how did you KNOW it was a crap pot, unless...... there was CRAP in it! Ewwwwwww.

HAH! And it turned out to be a crappy crab pot - say THAT five times fast! 8-)

Bear said...

Jemima,

I am So glad I don't have to pay you a dollar for every time you crack me up when I am reading your page!!

This blog is fantastic!!

Thanx!!

Bear

Adriane said...

I must comment on your Hero comments. The movie was absolutely beautiful. In the words of critics--it was a cinematic delight. Yes, there were some annoying characters, and perhaps superfluous movements through time but I have never seen anything so delicious to the eye. You must agree that if nothing else, it was beautiful.

AND that "crap pot" thing kinda freaked me out until I read further. Ditto Elysia.

Anonymous said...

Yo!

Rachel