Friday, March 04, 2005

LMN's Questions

Here are my answers to Al's questions. I will answer any others and respond with five more for anyone who responds.

1. If you were a dog, what breed would you be, and why?
I hate them, but poodles have it pretty good. Eat foie gras all day. Sleep on some old lady's velvet cushions all day. Bitch at everyone...
It'd be pretty sweet to be a Lab too, although a lot of them seem kind of dumb (no offense to Lab owners. They're cool dogs.) Swim. Sleep. Have intimate relations with yourself on the hearth rug. Niiiice.

2. Describe your most awkward date ever.
Oh Christ. Ever had dates that you didn't know were dates? I've had a couple of those. Then I got asked out by this guy I had been seated next to at a really raucous dinner party. And after I went home with my inch-think wine goggles on, he called me and asked me out, and having just broken up with someone, I agreed. He showed up in his grandmother's car (he's about 29, mind you) heavily scented with cheap orange air freshener, looking NOTHING like I remembered. He took me out for dessert at the cheesiest tourist trap ever, and then wanted to walk on the waterfront. Yeah, very romantic. This guy looked like he had pubes for hair. Anyway, there was a big meteor shower and he kept missing all the shooting stars. And finally after the 15th one, I said, "Did you see THAT one?" And he whispered all smoky-like, "I'm too busy watching you." After I finished snorting, he took me home.

3. OK, this one is free association. Tell me the first word that comes to your mind when you read:--Balls--Haircut--Pink--Money--Feng--Fire
Monkey--Pat Benetar--Panty Pull Downs--Retail--Mirrors--Cigarattes

Oh, you mean a description?
Balls... my friend dates a guy who's had testicular cancer, so he has this implant, right? Well, behind his back, we awful horrible people call him "nerf nut" because that's it consistency. Personally, I think they should have a prosthetic testicle that squeaks. Although what if your dog got overwhelmed and bit it? Oooooooo....

Haircut... I've never really had that bad a haircut so this is not very interesting. I want short hair in a big way though. The main character's ex's haircut in Intimate Strangers had the BEST haircut ever. However, last time I got a short do, it made my face look like a basketball.

Pink... When I was in college, all the fraternities would have these parties for dumb freshmen girls with this extremely deadly yet tasty drink called Pink Panty Pulldowns. Poor little girls....

Money... I have a love/hate relationship with money. I love it and I hate that I don't have any. haha! I'm quitting writing fulltime because it's it doesn't pay enough, but I am determined not to go wholly over to the Dark Side and maintain my freelancing on the side.

Feng... shui... The amount of writing crap in my apartment is ruining my shui. I need more mirrors and plants and fewer piles of magazines and books and whatnot.

Fire... I hope to be in front of one with my boyfriend by tomorrow night.

4.If you could change one thing about your physical self, what would it be and why?
Mmmph, I don't know. I have no boobs, so that would be an obvious one. But I don't care THAT much except when I try on a dress I like that only works for people with real figures like LMN. My ass is huge too, but I could conceivably exercise that off.
You know, I think I'd just like perfect posture.

5. Describe your perfect vacation. Money is no object.
There's not enough room on this blog. But think distant exotic destinations, photography, horses, surfing, rock climbing, gourmet food, fine wine, nudity... a lot of sinning...

No comments: