Monday, February 07, 2005

Motivation x's None

Christ, it can't be Monday already.

This was one of the most unrelaxing weekends I've had in a long time. I drove up to Charlotte to visit some friends and my 10-month-old goddaughter, and the poor little baby had in ear infection and would cry every time she was wasn't being held. So I tried to give her parents a break and sent them to bed and played with her... until 4:45 a.m. She didn't want to be still, so most of the time I had to walk around with her, talk to her and definitely NOT focus on Jerry Maguire. And every once in a while, while letting her rip pictures out of my new Gourmet magazine, my head would fall back and the old neck would jerk, and she'd suddenly notice my attention was not STRICTLY devoted to her... and then hoo, boy!

God, I'm glad I'm single with no progeny.

And then I headed home on Sunday and stopped over at my sister's house to help her prepare for the Super Bowl monstrosity my brother-in-law had wrought. They had at least 100 people (probably more like 150), with shrimp and grits inside and two rooms filled with hors d'oeuvres, and an oyster roast outside and mustard fried venison and a bar in the garage. There were two big-screen TVs, and about five others scattered around the house. And the reason I was invited is because my adorable two year old neice had contracted the barfing flu and my sister was too tired from staying up all night to get ready. So I entered the house armed with Lysol, Oust, Clorox wipes and Purell. Throwing up is my least favorite thing in the world and I think I handle it worse than most people. My sister is the same way- she threw up once in the six grade and was so traumatized by it she refused to do it ever again. She is now 33 and managed to go through college frat-type parties, a debutatante season and morning sickness WITHOUT THROWING UP. Anyway, little Typhoid Mary was up and feeling better and wanted me to hold her the whole time, and my sister kept giving me stinkeye every time I'd lay a finger on the Lysol. I left before halftime, went home and burned my clothes and rinsed myself in Betadine solution. I may be purple, but I ain't catching the barfing flu.

Has anyone seen this yet? This woman found some old Weight Watchers recipe cards from 1974 in the attic and they're horrendously funny. I laughed until I couldn't breathe on some of them.


Alexandrialeigh said...

Oh my god. For a minute, I forgot I was sick...

And now that Ramen I was considering is sounding SO much more appealing.

Anonymous said...

Oh, cool. I can post here. Sorry about your stressful weekend. I'm just going to pretend that O will never get sick. That's logical right?! Actually a bit of Strep is going around, now I've never had it but I'm concerned I may have passed it on. :-/

Send me some mustard fried venison, will you?


Kickball Superstar said...

Those cards RULE!!!!

i think i may be done with work for the rest of the day from the Fluffy Mackerel Pudding and Polynesian Snacks alone!

Jemima said...

duuuude, I KNOW! What is UP with all that goddamn mackeral stuff? The fish balls is still sending me into fits of cackling hysteria, as is the porno Carrie chicken.

Elysia said...

I am trying like hell to keep my shoulders from shaking, I'm laughing so hard, I'm at work, at a desk in the middle of a room full of people (no, I don't even rate a wall spot for privacy) and I am dying to fall out of my chair and roll screaming across the floor, laughing at these recipe cards and the commentary.... OH MY GOD that is funny!