Monday, January 31, 2005

raining babies

Well, it looks like I'll be throwing my second baby shower. A childhood friend who shared my passion for turning over rocks and climbing trees is expecting her first. At least for this party, I'll be sharing the responsibilities with my friend, um... Fruity Pebbles (she still eats them at age 29)... who is actually the first person I ever threw a baby shower for. I am now her baby's godmother (everyone can stop laughing), and we've been trying to figure out a way to get our mothers together for ages. They're both retired and kind of lonely and never got past that fear of rejection that precedes calling someone for the first time. I swear, my mother hasn't made a new girlfriend in about 10 years. If my dad isn't around, she stays home. How sad is that? Anyway, F.P. and I are hoping they'll have to go out to lunch for shower planning. It's like Mommy Matchmaking.

I wonder if anyone will ever throw ANY kind of shower for me. I'm already going to be one of those Older Mothers--hell, it's unlikely I'll even be married before thirty (if ever)-- and although it's okay for some people, I really feel like there should be a clear chronology: engagement, marriage, a minimum nine month wait, first child.. It's old fashioned of me, I know.

case of the mondays

BAH! (sound of teeth grinding to a fine, frustrated powder)

I wish someone who shall remain nameless a) would bother to brush his teeth and b) would just say “Sarah, go flip your lede sentence around.” He never actually ASKS you to DO anything—He just hints until you finally guess what he wants. This is not leadership, people!!!

Friday, January 28, 2005

saw A.S. for the first time in a week

I love my boyfriend.

We had such a nice lunch and talked about so many things. For one, WG Clark actually designed Architecture Student's parents’ house, the first one he’d ever done and the first modern piece in Charleston… it was very controversial. Anyway, he remembers A.S. and had tried to get him into the UVA program and still feels badly about it… so A.S. says he may milk him for a job when he graduates, which would be AWESOME! Well... if relationship with A.S. ever came to any sort of legal arrangement, which would be a very long time in the unforeseeable future, considering we just got back together.

And we’re going to get together tonight after Girls' Night. And he made me a mix CD. Isn’t that sweet? I’m so glad that we’re dating again.

My poor friend Little Miss Nobody is completely swamped and doing more than her fair share, because someone who shall remain nameless keeps makes wimpy editing requests. I told her, 'Just remember… it’s okay to say "No." In fact, the word "no" should drip honeyed from your tongue, full of deliciousness and ripe persimmon sweetness. Revel in your no-ness. Give a big internal cheshire cat grin. You can be all that is no.'

Saturday, January 22, 2005

freak hot tubbing accident

Fell off cleanse wagon hardcore, with massive bourbon drinks, followed by a bottle and a half of red wine on an empty stomach in a hot tub. Oh the sillyness of it all. Oh the joy of vino after a week point five without. And oh the horror of whacking off big toenail on the side of aforementioned hot tub and bleeding like a wounded sow all over famous author's pool house.

And hopping like a shrieking toad around author's house fending off boyfriend's ministrations, yelling, "For God's Sake, don't TOUCH it!!!" and hyperventilating on the way home and throwing up in front yard, where Architecture Student was very kind to me. Why do toes hurt so bad? And everything makes it worse- looking at it, having the sheets touch it when you're sleeping, labradors with patty paws, any shoes (but especially kittenish heels). At least it's not beach season where everyone would turn green at the sight of me in flipflops.

Dang, now I can't go running for, um, an eternity? At least have been amply punished for Friday night sins, as spent entire Saturday lying in bed trying to breathe shallowly and whamming my phone into powder.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

no report

Architecture Student still hasn’t called. Probably because he’s still curled up around fat head Republican moron. I hope she gives him the clap and his thingy falls off. Curse them both.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

inner poise

Yes, I will do Bridget Jones’s “inner poise” trick. I will pity poor Republican wench for having a big froggy head filled with very little brain. I will pity her for being loud and bossy. I will pity her for dancing with MY BOYFRIEND who will be wearing EFFING TAILS which I have never seen him in, because…. Wait, why will I pity her?

What I can’t figure out is why she needs a date for it in the first place. She’s not making her debut. She’s old, like my age and shit.

no change??? What the...????

I’ve eaten nothing but frickin fruits and leafy greens for almost TWO FRICKIN WEEKS, and I weigh exactly the same!!!!! No, not exactly the same... FOUR POUNDS MORE!!! What, am I supposed to eat LESS SPINACH!?! Fewer broccoli bits? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE????

stupid stupid societal obligations

I forgot to tell you this morning, but Architecture Student brought up his "Aryan Ball" (my term of endearment for it) again last night before he left… he asked me to go to this architectural planning lecture on Thursday which sounded interesting and I was flattered to be invited. And then he admitted he’d have to rush home afterwards to get ready for the ball.

This is this stupid antiquated farce of a southern social event, where everyone has to wear tails and waltz. And as much as I'd like to be the bigger person and say I would never go, I'm actually really pissed that I can't. They have all these dumb rules like you can only go if your dad is a member, which means that your great great great great grandfather had to be a Lords Proprietor or something. The ironic thing is that my ancestors were here long before a lot of these jumped-up, cracker mofos, but (gasp) some of them may have been JEWS! The horra! So A.S. can't invite me, and he got asked to escort this horrible little Republican Bush fu**er and I have to just live with it. And I had forgotten about it until he brought it up again.

And he said that he was really sorry and thoughtless and that he didn’t want to go and that it was me whom he loved. I said nothing at all, but warmed his coat over the fire before he went out in the cold. I figured I didn’t have anything nice to say…. Anyway, it's hard to be cool about it when what I really am is insecure/clingy/high maintenance. Damn. Even if she is loud and obnoxious and fairly stupid and pointless and very Republican, I still maintain my right to feel jealous and hate her until she dies. That’s fair, right?

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Do you ever...

… have days where you’re just totally in love with your boyfriend/girlfriend… where you just want to EAT them? I think I would eat Architecture Student if I was allowed to be carnivorous on my cleanse.

Monday, January 17, 2005


I started the “cleanse” portion of this detox thing. It hasn’t been bad (yet), but I am concerned that I am messing with an up-till-now, rather low maintenance gastro-intestinal tract.

Saturday, January 15, 2005


Day six: So far coffee is the one thing I keep craving. I seem to be past cheese and sugar. And alcohol for the most part, although I could definitely have used a glass of wine yesterday.

Monday, January 10, 2005

scary details

All the cleanse research I've done recommends this bentonite clay and flax seed, plus eating a bunch of fiber. That seemed sort of natural. And you have to eat stuff like artichokes and beets and milk thistle to help your liver. But I found this cleanse "system" at Whole Foods with a lot of the same stuff in it.

You know, I have never really had any issues with my GI tract. This storebought thing does have a whole laxative thing and I don’t really know if I want to start messing around with what ain’t broke. I don’t want to have to take fiber or something for the rest of my life. I’m scared.

But I got the clay thing that seems less harsh and more toxin removing/less laxative. Maybe I should just take that instead? I just don’t know if the cleanse will work properly without doing all of it. The stuff I read about advised eating lots of vegetables and taking flax seed oil, which should keep you from getting backed up because of the clay. F***ing hell. This is all too complicated.

Friday, January 07, 2005

Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

As one of my (many) New Years Resolutions, I resolved to take better care of my health, starting with doing a cleanse and detox.

Here are the rules: An Ayurvedic cleanse and rejuvenation, called Pancha Karma, prolongs life and health, by removing physical impurities, bringing awareness to destructive thoughts and behaviors, and releasing old patterns. Most people will experience some withdrawal symptoms, such as headache, tiredness, fever, irritability, hunger, and body aches. For several days to a week before the fast, avoid the following foods: processed foods and junk food, caffeine, sugar, alcohol, fatty or fried foods, chocolate, dairy, wheat, meat

Day One: My office stinks. Maybe my cleanse is making me more sensitive to smells- which is bad because my olfactory senses are already freakish.

Day Two: I wonder why I’m THIS tired. I ate great stuff yesterday, although forgetting my veg snacks was a pain in the ass. And I should be over the caffeine thing by now, right? God, the flash headaches are a drag.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

New Years Resolutions

1. Spend time with people who inspire me creatively
2. Spend less time with people who don’t inspire me
3. Ditch “mean” friends
4. Spend more time with my mom: try to think of one fun thing to do with her a week, such as, going on a walk, museum, civic events, gardening
5. Learn how to stop giving advice all the time
6. Be a better listener
7. Don't say mean things about people even if I am thinking them
8. Remember birthdays
9. Give presents on time
10. Be a good godmother- visits, presents, babysit
11. Be a good aunt- more visits, babysit
12. E-mail granddaddy and visit him at least once a month- he is the only grandparent you have left
13. E-mail paternal grandfather something once a month- he’s sort of your grandparent
14. Be more respectful and grateful for my friends

15. Sometimes go to social engagements I’d rather not attend
16. Be better about remembering names
17. Try to meet interesting people- go to more events of an educational nature
18. Learn how to mingle better
19. Think of good ideas and follow through at school alumnae board meeting
20. Invite someone interesting over for wine at least once a month

21. Spend more time doing hair so I look less trailer
22. Use sunscreen on face and hands everyday
23. Use a grocery list to avoid buying only pop tarts, clementines and shampoo
24. Go to bed earlier and get up earlier
25. Go to church twice a month
26. Pray more even when you don’t need something
27. Have better time management
28. Eat more leftovers- less wasteful and less expensive than restaurants
29. Don’t pick my nails in public
30. Keep car clean- wash at least once a month
31. Recycle and buy items with less packaging
32. Learn more about wine
33. Keep abreast of news (read NYT headlines every day)
34. Memorize one poem a month
35. Say something nice to someone every day
36. Think something nice about myself every day too
37. Go see a movie and go out to eat a nice dinner by myself at least once
38. Floss
39. Swear less
40. Start a blog (HOORAY, check one)

Health and Wellness
41. Lose 10 lbs. by birthday
42. Keep a food journal
43. Learn to swim
44. Get bike fixed
45. Take a one-a-day vitamin
46. Run at least 9 miles per week and work up to 16 miles per week
47. Try to run in at least two short races this year
48. Go to yoga at least once a week
49. Go to gym at least once a week
50. Drink at least 2 L of water per day
51. Eat less sugar (keep track of how much candy I eat every day, because my sweet tooth is out of control- try to keep it to one a day)
52. Try a fast (make sure it’s healthy and detoxifying)
53. Eat at least one piece of fruit per day
54. Eat at least one vegetable per day, working up to three
55. Be very vigilant about not getting sinus infections
56. Take better care of my skin
57. Stop smoking
58. Use sunscreen

59. Do something with bathroom- paint, new mirror
60. Finish floor in bedroom in front of fireplace
61. Clean off porch
62. Throw old magazines away
63. Use my cookbooks
64. Buy more plants and remember to water them
65. Organize scrapbook stuff- put all in one box
66. Put photographs in albums- make sure acid free
67. Redo postcard book
68. Get renters insurance
69. Fix shower
70. Keep better track of old food- clean fridge more often

71. Don’t watch TV
72. Let go of guilt
73. Let go of regret and humiliation
74. Keep a journal- start with one paragraph per day and work up to more
75. Keep a dream journal by bed
76. Give to church
77. Volunteer for at least one organization this year
78. Write more letters and thank you notes- at last one letter a week
79. Read 52 books, that's one a week. No "chick lit"
80. Keep a reading journal. Write down a bit about each in a notebook, maybe summarize the plot or quote bits from the text
81. See more indie films
82. Improve Italian, French, Spanish (use tapes, read foreign magazines and books)
83. Learn a little German
84. Audition for a play
85. Learn to tango
86. Consider doing aikido or karate again

87. Call all of my dad's interview subjects by middle of February
88. Write one pitch letter a week
89. Write more fiction and have personal story published
90. Keep better track of clips- fill up book with the good ones
91. Be better about deadlines
92. Be less defensive with criticism
93. Join at least one work organization
94. Make better contacts
95. Show appreciation for my contacts
96. Apply for other jobs elsewhere
97. Make more money- get a raise by March
98. Find out about starting a catering business
99. Dress better for work
100. Be more punctual
101. Remember where I’m going when I leave for interviews

102. Buy a new mattress
103. Buy a new sofa

104. Pay off bank loan
105. Balance my checking account
106. Learn about investing
107. Never be afraid to check my account because I’m scared of what it will say
108. Have more money in savings than I do in checking
109. Learn how I spend the most money and try to cut costs in those areas
110. Make a budget and come up with some goals
111. Go out to eat less

112. Love myself the most
113. Don’t do all of Architecture Student’s feeling for him
114. Reread and follow Dance of Anger- remember you can only change yourself
115. Only say nice things about him to other people, because you want him to hear back from other people things that will warm his heart not chill it
116. Come up with one nice thing I can do for A.S. every week
117. Appreciate what I have and think of one thing about A.S. that I appreciate every week and tell him so
118. Do more for myself than I ask him to do
119. Respect A.S.’s intelligence by not advising him all the time
120. Remember to do things alone sometimes too